The Student Leader Blog

How paying attention can change your life.

One of my students wrote a post on our class blog that reminded me why paying attention can change everything.

She said that the 5 minutes of class for which she was fully conscious (thanks) led her to reconnect with two friends she otherwise would have given up on. That's one friendship rebuilt per 2.5 minutes of paying attention. She writes: "What would have happened if I hadn't attended class at all? I shudder to that thought."

This line of thinking makes my head explode with infinite configurations of could'ves-would'ves. What if I hadn't overhead that there was an advertising club in my high school? Then I would not have connected with a video company I went on to work for (on and off) for six years. I almost certainly wouldn't be teaching video research to middle school kids now. I probably wouldn't have met my boyfriend (since we met because of my camera), and we wouldn't have two fuzzy little cats and an apartment together.

What if I didn't look at the flyer someone handed me about a student leadership retreat at Hunter? Then I would not be teaching first year seminar (because the idea came up in one of our conversations), and I wouldn't be writing this post right now.

So much of life stems from just a handful of occurances.

Obviously, we can't pay attention to everything all the time, but imagine if we all paid just a little more attention. Maybe a few extra minutes would lead you to that one new idea, new relationship, or new opportunity that will determine where you'll be 10 years from now.

I hope you've been paying attention to this blog post :)

How to stay clean when the bureaucracy gets dirty.

I had a really nice talk with Hunter's dean of student life the other day - somehow, even with all his responsibilities, he always finds the time to just talk. And that is at the heart of this blog post.

He's worked at Hunter for 39 years now, and he always gets to his office before 6AM. He attends every student play and drives up to Hunter's leadership retreat in upstate New York just to thank everyone for coming. He meets thousands of new students every semester and remembers their names. He answers students' email on Sundays. He is one of the few administrators at Hunter College whom everyone respects and appreciates.

I joked with him about the beast of bureaucracy, and he told me a great Eisenhower story that summarizes it pretty well. Apparently, when President Eisenhower decided to leave his position as president of Columbia University and run for president of the United States, he said he did it because he wanted to get out of politics. Yeah...

When I asked the dean how he managed to maintain his identity and passion in the bureaucracy, he said that for him it has just been a matter of honesty and integrity. If you ask him a question he will answer it, and the values behind his answers will always be consistent.

I like that answer. I like it a lot. It means that perhaps the way to win in the game of politics is by refusing to play or perhaps by playing only by your own rules.

Dude Calm Down

Student leaders are undoubtedly some of the most burnt out people in college. We have far too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it. Between class and homework, a social life, staying in good health, and all our extracurriculars, there just aren't enough hours in the day (or night!) to accomplish what we need to get done every day. This lack of time stresses out even the mentally toughest of us. However, I think it's vitally important to not let that stress get the best of you for several reasons. First, if I weren't so heavily medicated as a result of my wisdom tooth removal surgery Monday, I'd bother finding a study saying stress decreased productivity. Less productivity is exactly what we don't want. Additionally, seeing us stressed out certainly bothers our proteges and underlings, because if the cool, calm, and collected leader is strung out, then something must be terribly wrong. We must find our own ways of calming down and relaxing. Here are some of my favorite methods:

- Deep breaths are always good in a pinch. If you're forced to make a quick decision, a deep breath buys you time and relaxes your muscles and brain or something. When someone comes to you with an issue, that deep breath will relax you, which in turn relaxes whoever has the problem, and you're both better off!

- Listening to music. If you're alone in your room, office, or whatever, I find music to be a great stress reliever, as I'm sure many of you do.

- Staying positive. Just knowing that you'll come out of whatever mess you're in alive is always a comforting thought. You've been through harder times and gotten through them fine. Last week I had finals for my summer quarter. I had to write a 10 page paper by Thursday morning. Tuesday morning I had a final, after which I started writing my paper. It's hard to look at a blank document and know you have to fill up a ton of white space in not a whole lot of time, but looking forward to the feeling of accomplishment you get when you're done is enough motivation to slog through it. For what it's worth, I wrote those ten pages in about six and a half hours, a phenomenal pace by my standards.

- One of my absolute favorite things to do in life is complain. I'm serious! I love finding someone who doesn't mind listening to me blabber on about my worries for five or ten minutes because I always feel a little bit better when I get what's bothering me off my chest. If nothing else, it gets me to realize how silly my troubles are compared to what other people both around me and around the world are going through. Oh no, I have to write one measly paper that I've been putting off for weeks in one day. At least I have a warm bed, fresh water, and a loving family, which is more than a lot of people here on Earth can say. If we have the ability to be student leaders, that means there are probably lots of things going right for us, and we should be grateful.

I have to be missing a ton of good ways to relax. Help me, and other readers, by leaving your suggestions in the comments!

Making New Friends

Whether you are a business student whose career is  largely driven by "networking", an activist whose  demonstrations depend on "grassroots organizing" or any type of student in between, the ability to connect with others is an integral part of being a leader. There is no better place to work with  people of diverse backgrounds who are willing to learn and challenge themselves, than on a university campus. Creating a genuine connection with another person is always exciting, if not electric. Having more genuine friends expands the breadth of ideas and paradigms you come across, expedites project completion, ensures more attendance at events, effectively "shrinks" your campus, and provides a community of support as you lead your respective groups.

Freshmen year I was neighbors with an Afghan student with a large heart for his community, a student from Mexico who made the All American Men's Soccer team as a freshmen, and a black student with incredible business savvy who hailed from the part of Los Angeles that tourists don't visit. Those were only three of my six neighbors, on a floor of one hundred students. There were nearly one hundred such floors within a square acre on my campus. Yet many students would say, "I  haven't met many interesting people,  I can't relate to anyone here."  There is no reason to ever utter those words, whether at a bus stop, outside of a Starbucks, or even in a convalescent home. It is your responsibility to be confident, genuine, curious, give choices, and offer assistance.

There are many variables that affect interactions, small things that determine whether someone is deemed "smooth", or given the label of "awkward". However, I have found connecting to be extremely simple, enjoyable and rewarding beyond anything else I've ever done.

I have had the opportunity to take part in many classes and seminars regarding connecting, have read a large number of bestsellers regarding the intricacies of networking, and most importantly have made it a point to implement the tips and strategies on my own campus. I look forward to sharing my insights in future posts. The first five posts will expand upon areas that I have found to be integral when developing new friendships: self confidence, coming from a genuine place, curiosity, giving choices, and offering assistance.

---------------

If you're working on goals, try the most advanced goal achievement social network, GoalTribe.com. The site guides you to set goals, build motivation, connect to a support group, track your progress and overcome obstacles to success. You can also learn all about goalsand self improvement on the GoalTribe blog.

How to Force Someone into Your Shoes (or Dealing with Pea Brains)

First thing this morning, I had a fascinatingly long argument with the head of my building's management, (let's call him Pea Brain), so I had plenty of time to practice all the communication techniques I've ever read, seen, or thought about.

I was doing my best to be a good listener. I was staying calm and not using "you" words. I was showing him that I understood his point of view. But Pea was persistent. He refused to see my side of it, no matter how sound my logic or nonthreatening my tone.

So I tried a little game on Pea that I tend to use on me. I said, "Okay, maybe you and I are just used to dealing with these kinds of situations in different ways. Let's say you are me. This is how you feel (followed by description with Pea as the main character instead of me). What would you do if this were you?"

At this point Pea finally stopped for a moment and scratched his head (or at least I'm reasonably sure that he might have but can't be certain seeing as it was a telephone conversation). He seemed to think about this (or at least I'm reasonable sure he may have thought but can't be certain since all he said was "uhhhh"). And then he finally tried on my proverbial shoes. At first he didn't quite get it, so I supplied him with some more information, and then, at last, he finally seemed to understand. He said,  "Fine whatever. Why are we wasting time talking about this?" (translation: ohhh I get it and feel kinda dumb). I tucked this technique into my arsenal and smiled.

So role playing isn't just for new-agey shrinks and drama majors after all.

How to Cut Down Your Time Searching Online

The Internet is big and the amount of time you have is not. To get the most out of the few scraps of time that you do manage to salvage, stop searching for the information you need, and let it come to you. Having web tools like an RSS reader, topic alerts, and a personalized homepage is like having a personal secretary bring all of your reminders, correspondence, and handpicked news right to your desk, only it’s free and leaves no clutter in your office.

Your RSS reader (like Google Reader or FeedReader) will pull content from all of your favorite blogs and websites so you never have to visit them to check for updates. I wrote about these in a bit more detail in a past blog post.

Your alert system (like Google Alerts) will keep an unblinking eye out for any information on the web that is relevant to your or your group's interests, combing through blogs, websites, videos, groups, or whatever your specify.

And last but not least, you personalized homepage (like iGoogle and NetVibes) acts as your online hub and aggregates all of this information and more. By visiting just one page, you can see the latest updates to your reader, email, and personalized news. You can also use a widget like Jott.com to view your to do list and add new items as they come up, plus check the weather, browse your calendar, and see all your bookmarks so you don’t have to remember any new URLs. You can also create a personalized homepage specifically for your group so that everyone can add items, see updates, and have access to the same resources.

Sometimes Internet literacy means learning how to use fewer tools rather than more tools. The trick is to choose the tools that save you time, help your group members get on the same pag, and make you breath a sigh of relief.