Over the past few months, I've been working with a friend of mine as her "life coach." We organize her home, discuss productivity blocks, develop organization systems, and other similarly fun stuff. I don't claim to be qualified, but at least I don't seem to be doing any damage.
This week, our focus is supposed to be on self control because my friend pretty much has none.
Hah! I say to myself. I can teach self control! Just then I notice that I'm feeling a bit nauseous. I look down and realize that I've just eaten about 3/4th of my left over birthday cake. It was an entire cake. I also notice that I'm tired. Perhaps it's because I just wanted 6 episodes straight of The Wire, but that's just a guess. Okay, maybe I'm less qualified than I suspected.
After this realization, I decided to do some research and some brainstorming on this subject. I've just started down this path, so forgive me if I stumble, but here are 4 steps for developing self control that just might work:
1. (a) Make a list of area in which you exhibit good self control
and/or particular situations in which you felt you had a lot of self
control.
(b) Write down what you were thinking and feeling or what you generally
think and feel in these instances; how do you get control over your
actions? Why do you think you have control in this area and not others?
(c) Write down how you feel about yourself when you practice self control and what its positive consequences have been.
2. (a) Make a list of the areas where you lack self control (e.g. eating, arguing, procrastination, poor prioritization).
(b) Write down your thoughts and feelings (especially rationalizations)
at these times and try to find the flaws in the reasoning that leads
you to "give in."
(c) Write down how you feel about yourself when you exhibit poor self control and its negative consequences.
(d) Compare this list to item 1.
3. Make a list of positive alternatives to your usual poorly controlled
actions (e.g. eat a carrot or celery stick when you see a brownie lying
on the table, turn to your to do list when you are about to start
wasting time on line, instead of replying to a Facebook message right
now, set a Facebook/email/text message date for yourself (set an alarm
on your phone) and do it at a more appropriate time, turn off the light
at a particular time at night even if you don't feel sleepy).
4. Review these lists on a regular basis and add to them as you learn
more about your self control. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses
(especially your rationalizations) so that you can catch yourself in
time.
As I said, this is a new path for me, so forgive me if I stumble. I'll keep you posted on the efficacy of this advice as I try it out on myself. Your suggestions and confessions are encouraged :)
P.S. Must. Not. Go. Back. For. More. Cake.
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